Just spitballing here, but maybe we could delay the November election, ignoring the Constitution and history and Congress, and keep me, the president, in power a while longer.
Maybe we could make it harder to let American voters afraid of getting sick from the virus I abjectly failed to control cast their ballots easily by mail, as I have done myself.
Maybe we could help kill that virus by injecting disinfectant inside people’s bodies.
Maybe we could ban all Muslims from entering the country until we figure out what is going on.
Maybe we could build an enormous wall across our entire southern border with Mexico and make Mexico pay for it.
Maybe we could slash our trade deficit with other countries.
Maybe we could grow the economy by 4% per year.
Maybe we could take the oil from Iraq.
Maybe after I trade loving letters with him, Kim Jong Un will denuclearize North Korea.
Maybe we will raise taxes on the wealthiest Americans.
Maybe we’ll break up America’s largest banks.
Maybe we’ll pass a $1 trillion infrastructure investment package.
Maybe we’ll revive coal and coal country.
Maybe we’ll treat “Dreamers,” who came to this country as children, “with heart.”
Maybe we can buy Greenland. Maybe we can sell Puerto Rico.
Maybe we can use nuclear weapons to disrupt hurricanes.
Maybe we can stop letting people into America from “s—-hole countries.”
Maybe we could dramatically increase military spending, promise not to cut Social Security or Medicare or Medicaid, cut taxes massively and mostly for the rich, and eliminate the entire national debt within eight years.
Maybe we’ll “have insurance for everybody.”
Maybe we’ll raise the federal minimum wage to $10.
Maybe we could have stricter gun safety laws, including banning assault rifles.
Maybe we can get Russia to hack Hillary Clinton’s emails. Maybe we can get Ukraine to announce an investigation into Joe Biden’s son.
Maybe the coronavirus will be killed by the summer heat. Or maybe it’ll just disappear; it’s invisible to the naked eye anyway.
Maybe this American carnage will stop right here and stops right now.
Maybe we could open up the libel laws so that people can’t say I’m a pathological liar with crazy ideas who is a clear and present danger to America.
Maybe I’ll put my wealth into a blind trust so there’s no question that I have no conflicts of interest.
Maybe I’ll release my tax returns. Actually I definitely will, believe me.
Maybe I could be the most presidential president since the great Abraham Lincoln.
Maybe I will give you everything. Maybe I alone can fix it.
Maybe I can make America great again.
Josh Greenman is the New York Daily News editorial page editor. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org